So, I was racing to meet a friend at 5:45pm last Wednesday and I had to get from Lakewood to Lacey during rush hour, plus I had no gas in the car.
*Crap! I'm gonna be late.*
I stopped at Safeway in Lakewood to fill up and grab a Coke Zero (No matter how hard I undiet, I will not drink sugared soda. I don't have a death wish.).
A little backstory will help at this point - I was coming from the doctor's office after my annual girlie exam, so I was in slight pain, major embarrassment and humiliation, and completely frazzled.
So, along with my Coke Zero, I grabbed a bag of black pepper Kettle chips, mainly to be a snack to hold me over till dinner with my friend and her grandson, but also to soothe my hurt pride and modesty.
Chips and soda in hand, I race off to Lacey to make it to friend's house on time, which I did. Baby boy was adorable, friend was welcoming as usual. We went out for a walk around Capitol Lake, my first time and it was beautiful. We walked, caught up, cooed and goochy-goo'd at baby, and Friend got hit on by an old codger who told her she "looked good for an old biddy." In context, it really was a compliment. Alas, Baby "chucked a wobbly" in public, as Friend from NZ put it and we had to bundle him up screaming in the car seat and drive away before someone called CPS on us.
We went back to her house after our walk and made baby laugh till he caught hiccups and we were laughing hysterically with him. I held him, she held him. He sucked down a bottle like it was nothing and ended up burping and farting simultaneously. We watched TV for a while and had soda. All in all, a marvellous evening.
I raced back home just in time to kiss Husband - who was pouting about me being out all evening - and flop blissfully into bed at 10pm.
*Wait a minute! I didn't get dinner!!*
Baby was screaming so loudly out in public, we didn't stop at a cafe to eat. I hadn't had anything to eat since a bag of chips at 5pm and I worked up a sweat walking around Capitol Lake at a mountain-climber's pace. Geezus. . . I didn't get dinner.
My next realization was that I wasn't hungry. All that time out and energy spent and I was no more peckish than when I eat a full dinner at 7pm. Hmmm. . .
That's when it dawned on me. . . I didn't satisfy my physical hunger, but I more than sated my psychic hunger.
First, the doctor says I'm healthy, despite my shameless display of lady-parts. That's a good thing. Plus, I only have to go every three years now that I, too, am an old biddy. Health is a good thing.
I had an amazing bag of chips - guilt free. I got fresh air walking around a beautiful lake in a beautiful city with my WA-BFF and her adorable grandson. We goofed off through the evening into the night, sharing many genuine belly-laughs in the process, with Baby indulging in most of them.
I didn't miss food at all. I didn't even think about it.
Fast forward to yesterday, I am covering the receptionist's desk this week, as she is my subordinate, and I am her cover. When I do her job, I can't do my job, which adds to the stress. Everything in her work area is dingy and unorganized; whereas, I obsessively clean and organize my office. I hate being interrupted because I analyze data for a living and the phone rings approximately every two minutes. I found a money order lying on the floor that has been missing for 3 months and a whole stack of unfinished work she has crammed away/hidden dating back four years. Did I mention that she goes apeshit if you even try to admonish her and she has been labeled the office bully?
A box of petunias I had planted to spruce the place up had withered away beyond rehydration because nobody watered it this week (including and especially me). I wiped down a radiator in the waiting room and my rag came up pitch black. I rubbed a clean spot on the front door, so now I'm possessed by the need to clean both doors and polish the brass fixtures. Everywhere I looked, I found dirt, disorganization, and apathy. I spent over 10 hours at work yesterday trying to do everything at once.
Guess what I had for dinner last night? A lot of chips and a big ole fro yo with nuts, coconut, and caramel sauce. Oh, then I came home and went out for a beer with the hub. I shoveled and shoveled the food and alcohol in, but could not fill up the gaping hole in my psyche.
Same thing today. Lots of hassle and interruption at work. Ground in dirt everywhere. Yesterday, someone found broken glass at the bottom of our playground slide and the maintenance man, when confronted with said glass, laughed it off. So, now the preschool next door and our own five small shelter children can't use the playground on a nice, sunny summer day due to his apathy.
Guess what I had for dinner tonight? McDs. I know I am a big, grown girl and I am capable of making the healthy choices if I want to. Nobody carjacked me and forced me through the drive thru.
I also know that I have been under tremendous work stress this week, well on the trajectory for 40+ hours. I haven't visited my friends, aka my lifeblood, without whom I would shrivel up and die. My nails are ragged, my leg stubble becoming silkier by the day, my neck tense enough to warrant an asian beat down, uh massage.
I am beginning to recognize these stressors as they're coming up and acknowledge the detrimental effect they have on my ability to make good life choices. So, I put my stubbly pale legs into a pair of shorts and walked the trails behind my house for 20 minutes. It's beautiful out there and I saw some wonderous things - like a two-story spider web and a little white foxglove in bloom, and the sun glinting off Puget Sound as it set. Ahhhh.
Psychic hunger versus physical hunger. I'm learning to tell the difference and ingest the appropriate nourishment at the right time.
PREVIEW: Super cool stuff. I bought the book "Savor: Mindful Eating, Mindful Life" by Thich Nhat Hanh (SuperBuddhist) and Dr. Lilian Cheung. Excerpts and reflections to come. Looks awesome!
Postscript: I read a few minimalist blogs and saw the following phrase that I have adopted as a mantra. Maybe it will help you:
"Food is not entertainment."
No comments:
Post a Comment